Relationships : Freedom without distance, connection without control by Liv Larsson

Author:Liv Larsson [Larsson, Liv]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Hälsa, skönhet och samlevnad
ISBN: 9789187489099
Publisher: Friare Liv
Published: 2010-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

Save a bush

I was on my way to do a few days of training and as I jumped into the car I asked my partner, who was out in the garden, to do something about some bushes that were disturbing the view from the house.

“Would you cut down those bushes while you’re out here”? I asked, making a sweeping gesture at knee height to show how high I wanted the two elderberry bushes.

“Yes”! he answered quickly.

The first thing I saw when I got home after two days, made me first stare and then laugh. On the ground where one of the bushes had grown there was just a hole. There was not a trace that this place had ever had a bush growing here. The second bush was still growing strong, appearing more radiant than ever. I curiously asked my partner what had happened to the missing bush.

He said proudly “It was not easy, but now it is gone!”

How could this have happened? Whose fault was it? Who was responsible for the missing bush?

Was it my fault because I was not clear what I had wanted, or because I did not take time to make sure that I was understood? Or was it my partner’s fault because he did not make sure he really got what I wanted?

Instead of looking for whose fault misunderstandings are, it is more meaningful if we instead think about what we can learn from the mistakes made. What could I have done differently? In addition to cutting the trees myself, hiring a gardener or letting the bushes grow (advice I have often heard when I’ve told this story), I could have been more specific:

“I want you to cut both of them to 40 cm in height.”

Or, if I was too stressed to figure that out, I could have made a call from the car and said:

“Hey, I was a bit stressed so I am unsure if it was clear what I asked of you, would you tell me what you heard?”

The bush’s life could have been saved. What could my partner have done? Being also concerned that we were both happy with our home, he could have reflected on what he had heard me asking for. He could have said something like:

“Do you mean you want me to cut down the right bush, the one that is right in front of the window, completely”?

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